Rosemond

John Rosemond

I am convinced that “parenting” causes otherwise rational people — people whose thought processes are not typically driven by emotion — to lose their minds. If that is not the case, then why, ever since 1970 (or thereabouts), when “parenting” replaced the simple, straightforward process of raising children to adulthood, are so many parents allowing capable young adults to live at home?

And while I’m at it, why do so many of these same parents wind up asking me how to get said young people out of their houses? The fact that the parents in question can’t figure that out is evidence that “parenting” is causing people to lose all semblance of touch with common sense.

“Tell him he has to leave,” I answer, playing the genius.

With rare exception, my answer releases an outpouring of reasons why they can’t tell said child to leave: He doesn’t have a job; he’s immature; he’s got anxiety issues; he’s in therapy; he has a mole on his left thumb. The latter is me being facetious, of course. Believe it or not, however, I’ve heard excuses every bit as, uh, absurd.

C’mon! Give me a break! You’ve gotta be kidding me! I have yet to hear an excuse that makes any sense. Adult children who are basically capable should not be freeloading off their parents, depleting their retirement accounts. They need to get off family welfare, get out into the world, and get on with the business of figuring it out.

The excuses are irrefutable proof of codependency, which since 1970 has become rampant in American “parenting.” My parents and their peers in the Greatest Generation were not in codependent relationships with their kids because they weren’t parenting. They were raising human beings into states of responsible adulthood, and what a wonderful thing that is for both parents and child.

My lessons in personal responsibility began when I was 4 years old. I’d gone out to play in my church pants and come home with grass stains on the knees. My mother filled up the wash tub, added soap, and told me I was going to learn to wash my own clothes. It took me over an hour to get the grass stains out, at which point I had a greatly enhanced understanding of the meaning of “church pants.”

That’s how to emancipate a child. Begin when the child is young to let him know that he’s going to be able to make a better life for himself than you are willing to make for him.

Codependency is addictive to both parties. It’s such a huge problem today that there’s even a support group network for it: Co-Dependents Anonymous International. Their website is at CoDA.org.

If you recognize yourself in this column, you might want to get in touch with them. Be forewarned! Getting out of a codependent relationship will be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done. But getting out will be a great gift to both yourself and the other person.

Visit John Rosemond’s website at www.johnrosemond.com. Send him email at questions@rosemond.com.

Tribune Wire

Recommended for you

(0) comments

Welcome to the discussion.

Keep it Clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
Don't Threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be Truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be Nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
Be Proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
Share with Us. We'd love to hear eyewitness accounts, the history behind an article.