Are there people at work gossiping about you? Or, would you like to write someone a letter telling her to quit spreading lies about you?
If everyone likes you, and you don’t have a single enemy, that’s great.
But, if you’re like most people, a few bullies are out there.
It pays to visualize putting on mental armour and protecting yourself. How? You’ll need to learn the fine art of wall-building.
“Constructing mental walls of protection will make all of the difference in your life,” says a life coach and career mentor who nearly got divorced last year. We’ll call her Madison.
“I forgot to take my own advice,” Madison says. “My husband’s ex-wife was digging my grave, and I nearly fell into it. She was poisoning everything she could about me and my marriage. She even went so far as to tell others I’d been in serious legal trouble!”
Madison says she gave herself some powerful self-help rules. She made up her mind to screen out the ex-wife and focus 100% on improving her own life.
Her mental resilience is working well.
“First of all, I decided not to speak about her to my husband,” says Madison. “If he needed to talk to her about the kids, that was fine. I deliberately kept my distance. I started working on a novel I’d wanted to write for years. I took a couple of nice trips with my girlfriends. I slammed the door on anything negative trying to invade my space.”
We all need to construct mental walls to keep noise out of our lives. There will always be a co-worker trying to cast a shadow on your work or a neighbor trying to spotlight your flaws.
“If you’re going to be successful, count on jealousy entering the picture,” says a businessman we’ll call Mark. “Your devotion to excellence, dressing well, climbing the ladder and working hard while others goof off will irritate some people. Ignore them and remain calm and collected. That’s the price you must pay for not being average.”
It’s easy to waste a lot of time focusing on people trying to bully us.
“I used to imagine slugging my enemies,” laughs a friend of ours we’ll call Denise. “Nowadays, I imagine myself flying above the stupidity and landing where I need to be.”
Denise just opened a third restaurant in her city. She also got nominated as a commissioner in her county and won by a small margin.
“The walls I built against my enemies kept me focused on getting elected to my government position,” she says. “It takes practice to turn a deaf ear to nonsense.”
Seeing high walls between yourself and others will preserve your energy. You’ll use your work time more efficiently and your down time to better enjoy your life.
“If someone is really threatening you physically, or doing things to harm your family, call an attorney,” says a lawyer we’ll call Anthony. “It’s worth it to legally warn someone if they’re going to have a true impact on your life. Do what’s appropriate.”
Anthony says he helps a lot of his clients win court cases by helping them see they aren’t victims. “Your mind is a great weapon,” he insists. “Use it to create quietness, space from others, and a feeling of being in control.”
Judi Light Hopson is the executive director of the stress management website USA Wellness Cafe at www.usawellnesscafe.com. Emma Hopson is an author and a nurse educator. Ted Hagen is a family psychologist.